I will make it so people can commnet on this soon. I have to get software from http://www.haloscan.com first

Kathy is no longer my girlfriend. She is the one girl I dated that hurt me when our relationship ended. No girl has meant nearly as much to me since her. We are still good friends. She is currently dating a guy, who she said reminds her of me. I found a girl who reminds me of Kathy. We are not in a relationship, but I want it so bad that it is bound to fail. I have also put too many unrealistic expectations into things.
I want to hide in that shell I used to use. Maybe I can protect myself by staying focused on my interests. Keith, Write your damn paper, and do your homework. No more avoiding the issue.

She didn’t want me to suck on her toes. She reminds me even more of Kathy in that mouth to foot contact is not allowed. This is fine by me. I cannot sleep tonight. I went to a party at Shadow Academy and had a great time. My ass is bruised which is proof that I was involved in a scene. I could have done with or without that scene. The fun part came just before we left, when Tracy and I were lying on the bed alone.
Why am I into BDSM and what am I. I have acted as a sub in scenes recently, but it has not given me much, if any sexual satisfaction. Right now I almost think I am doing this for the shock value. I enjoy shocking my friends, and telling them of this activity does just that. I do like to top girls alone in my bedroom. The thought of a bound female tied to my bed laying there for me to please, is what sounds appealing. I could do with or without the pain aspect, whatever works for her. Having Tracy lay in my bed with her hands over her head, telling her to keep them up there, followed by placing one hand around her neck, and the other in her hair sounds like the most erotic scene right now.
It may be time to back off from the public events. I will have to go to TIES on Wednesday to see Amy and Tracy, but after that I better stick to chess and vanilla events. Finding a job for after graduation. If I do graduate that is. I hate capstone. I need to spend more time working on that paper.

Me so happy
During my normal week I usually go from being somewhat depressed, to happy. I am at a high right now. I need to get a good first draft of my Capstone paper done by next Wednesday. I have 700 words right now, which is nowhere near close to done, but it is a start. Plan is to spend a couple hours working on it tonight before work. I’m also happy that I have been talking to Tracy lately. Looks like we have a good chance of developing a close friendship, as I really like her. There is a lot for me to do this weekend, and I will stay busy. I really have to stop wasting my time. The key is going to be to stop lying around in bed, and shower and get out of my apartment to work on homework.

I had dinner and then played cards with Tracy tonight. She reminds me of Kathy in so many ways. I felt totally relaxed around her and was able to admit things that I can barely admit to myself. The bad things I did didn’t come up, but things few others know about did.
Pink Floyd is now playing. I miss this music. “I don’t need any drugs to calm me.” I’m not too sure about this, because I took my drugs tonight. I want my old personality back. I was extremely reserved and kept everything inside. Now I don’t know what to keep back, so I share things before I know what they are. Time to make a conscious effort to change back. No more sharing what is going on inside of me. I’m going to try the anti-social route I used to use. Time to back off from Misty. I foresee no potential there, except leading her on and lots of drinking. Hopefully I’ll call and tell her I need to back off tomorrow.
Dam lazy me. I knew I needed a battery for the car and I forgot about it. Now I am forced to take the night off of work. This is good for homework, but makes me upset that I have neglected what I should be doing. I need to write a list of what to do every morning when I get home from work and do those things. New routine. After work I type up a blog entry and make my list of things to do. Get them done Keith.
As for Holly. Maybe with someone younger than me I can be that support and not act like a little kid. I was doing it tonight with Tracy, and then with Stephanie when I talked to her on the phone. That is why I lost Andrea, who was by far the most attractive girl I have been with.